Dave H. Recovery—The Blog
Dave H. turned three decades of recovery into a book, a podcast, and this blog for family members of people with addiction. The Practice of Imperfection offers practical Al‑Anon‑based tools, essays, and workshops. Take what helps and leave the rest.
Subscribe free to get new posts and resources straight to your inbox.
Helping Is the Sunny Side of Control
I still catch myself wanting people to appreciate my help. That's the whole engine underneath it, most days. It's all happening in my head. I'm doing it so I'll feel better, not because anyone asked
Frustration Multiplies
When I met people who weren’t bothered by the wrongness that surrounded us, I was shocked. Incredulous, even. “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention” was the catchphrase of my people. Gradually, I met more and more people who were letting things “roll off their backs” and I was… frustrated by that. How can they not let it bother them? This was long before I ever found Al-Anon.
When Letting Go Still Includes Parenting
A parent can understand the idea of letting go and still be awake after midnight, checking a phone again. Loving responsibility has limits, even with a minor child.
Expectations—they’re all in your head
There’s an old saying that “An expectation is a planned resentment.” You could substitute “planned disappointment” just as well. I have my own definition for the purposes of dealing with unmet needs in a relationship. Expectations are (often) unspoken, one-sided agreements that cannot be satisfied by another person.
It’s control*
Most people are capable of learning from their mistakes, but we want to “save them the trouble.” denying them the decision-making, consequences and experience essential to growth.
The To-Be List and the Ta-Da List
Reframing my story is seeing the journey for what it is. RECOVERY of true self, and roadmapping a better life one day at a time.